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I think step one is to learn to keep cool in conditions where an argument begins to boil. Once you can think with reason, rather than a temper, you can begin to unwind the argument, assess where each partner is coming from, and see the issue from both perspectives. If a partner, or maybe both partners are too engulfed in bursting emotion to think level headed, put the issue on hold for about 2 hours of cooling down, and then come back to it.
PS, she didn't say fighting like children are pathetic, she said that when a partner begins to pout, or be unreasonable, and can not argue within the boundaries of the issue alone, and must find past arguments to throw at the partner, or bring in opinions of others to act as minions, that is when an argument becomes pathetic. I completely agree.
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I actually believe having an argument when it's truly called for, and solving it, is far more important than groveling at her feet. But if it's some tiny, insignificant, stupid little mistake that could've been fixed in a minute or less, she probably shouldn't be going ballistic in the first place. In such a case, step one better do the trick, unless she's on some terrible PMS, and just had a rough day at work.
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